If Angel had internal radio receivers like Al, he would have set off all the transponders in a five mile radius with some high pitch squealing. Fucking Hell, Smiles wasn't playing fair. Not just two seconds ago did he decide that he was going to let go of whatever weird feelings he had brewing for the deer and he pulls this shit on him. Stop being kind to him. It was weird. It made him feel weird. No. Bury it. Bury it deep. You're not going to pursue this anymore. Wh-what ever this was. Nope. Nopey nope nope.

Despite the internal crisis Angel was tackling, all Alastor could see was the spider tensing at his touch, his breath hitching in his throat staring up at him with damp eyes. For a moment, Angel sat motionless with his chin under that claw. But then his eyes fluttered as if awaking from a trance and he hastily pulled away, snapping his head to one side.

"Ya think I'm going to go back?" Angel knew Alastor had a copy of his contract. It was probably unintentional that statement about going in to get him out sounded like admitting defeat. Reaching up he gripped at the sleeves of his coat jacket. "I'm... I'm scared Al. And you want to know the most fucked up part is? Last night I realized when I saw Val beat to hell on the floor that somewhere... deep inside me... I still loved him. Fucking hilarious right?" Angel choked out a strangled chuckle, his knees starting to shake. "I was a worthless fuck up in life and I was a worthless fuck up in death. I was nobody. The first time I met him, he made me feel like I could become somebody. I never had that before. It felt so fucking good. But by the time I realized what kind of man he was, I was in too deep. Sold my fucking soul for love. How's that for entertainment?"

Angel's whole body shook with pain laughter to poorly vail the tears he was fighting to keep down.